THE MIRES COLLABORATIVE

In the spirit of Nora Ephron

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 11:54:42 -0500

The great writer, director, and film producer, Nora Ephron, died yesterday at the age of 71. To close her book titled I Remember Nothing: And Other Reflections she created a list of the things she would and would not miss. So in the spirit of Nora Ephron, I offer this list of things I will and will not miss.

Things I will not miss:

make-up

automobiles

100+ degree heat in the summer

Sarah Palin

reality TV

the loose postcard-sized paper stuck inside magazines

online banking

advertising

Octomom

insurance

insurance companies

text messages

robocalls

galas

pecan trees

powerpoint

airport security

Things I will miss:

family

friends

my dogs

dogs in general

good, cheap TexMex

walks by the lake

my bed

giggling

tea

okra

good conversation

reading

reading the NY Times

Robert Browning poetry

learning

starry nights

Broadway musicals

Life, as it is in waterskiing

Wed, 24 Aug 2011 19:32:00 -0500

I’ve only been water skiing once in my life. I was 12 years old. A friend of mine invited me to go out on a boat with her family one Saturday. I was so excited.

Finally, late in the afternoon the adults decided that I could try the water skiing. I lowered myself into the lake, handed my glasses to my friend (which rendered me practically blind), then put my feet into the too big pair of skis. My friend’s dad gave me a short lesson on how to position myself to get up on the skis and what to expect when the rope tightens. Then engine revved and the boat began to pull away. My world became very fast.

Now I was an athletic kid growing up and the whole water skiing thing looked pretty easy. So I positioned my skis and braced myself for the tug of the rope. I fought my way up onto the skis only to fall forward flat on my face. The part of the lesson that my friend’s dad left out was what to do when you fall. Panicked, I tightened my grip on the rope. Speed-snorkeling along the surface of the water, I lifted up my head and could see a blurry figure frantically waving their arms in the air and yelling, “Let go! Let go of the rope!” It took my mind several seconds to process this message, then I let go and in an instant life went from chaos to calm.

Have you ever experienced a moment like this? A moment where life is chaotic and then instantly becomes calm? Many times this transition from chaotic to calm is the result of making a hard decision. The inner turmoil that comes with being dragged through a bad relationship, or the constant rub of an unsatisfying work situation, can feel like being dragged along the surface of a lake face down. The process of getting on the other side of a decision typically requires us to let go of the current state in order to move toward a healthier existence. For me, I usually splash around in the pool (or lake, in this case) for a long time before the decision becomes clear. But once the decision is made, my focus becomes sharp and my life converts to a composed state. Sometimes the transition from chaos to calm is instantaneous like my water skiing experience. Other times the calm arrives more slowly. Most of us are not very patient with splashing around in the decision pool. We keep wondering when will all this end?

I am not the best with patience when it comes to making hard decisions. However, I’ve learned to accept the splashing around as part of my process of knowing that an answer or solution will eventually appear. It’s usually not on my timetable, but if I can step back and make my vision a bit blurry, I begin to notice the signs around me that are screaming at me to let go.

And then I am up on my skis taming the rough waters.

Equanimity

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 11:01:00 -0500

I love this word. I cannot recall when I first heard it, but I remember that I had to look up its meaning and contemplate it for a while. Equanimity means steadiness of mind under stress. Synonyms for this word are serenity and aplomb.

I recall listening to the news coverage of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I heard several stories about the calm demeanor of the Japanese people in the face of this national tragedy. The reporter was interviewing a Japanese man about the word gaman. Gaman is the Japanese word for acting with calmness and fortitude.

When I was still working in the corporate world, finding daily examples of equanimity and gaman were difficult. The rushed pace of work, the pressure and expectation to always perform at your highest level, the increasing complexity of problems to be solved, the disregard for the sometimes frailty of life made acting with any kind of steadiness or calmness a real challenge. All of this busy-ness creates an environment fraught with stress.

It’s no secret that stress-related health issues in the United States account for the majority of our nation’s healthcare costs. Let’s consider just two common health problems related to stress — heart disease and obesity.

In a recent report commissioned by the American Heart Association, the costs of heart disease in the U.S. is expected to triple between now and 2030, costing more than $800 billion a year. Yes, that is billion with a big ‘B.’ By 2030, it is estimated that 40 percent of U.S. adults will have one or more forms of cardiovascular disease. In contrast to the U.S., coronary heart disease incidence and mortality remain substantially lower at all ages in Japan.

No surprise here. Heart disease has been linked to longer work hours. No wonder every executive I worked around for the past 15 years was on blood pressure medication. One senior leader died of a heart attack at age 48. You would think that would be a big wake-up call, yet there was no change in behavior among leaders of the organization after this incident.

Stress has also been linked with obesity. Excess fat in the belly poses a greater health risk than fat on the legs or hips. And unfortunately, that’s where people with high stress seem to store it. Having excess weight in midlife increases your risk of heart disease and diabetes later in life. The U.S. ranks 1st in obesity with 30.6 percent of the population being obese. Japan ranks 29th with 3.2% of the population being obese.

I realize that there are other factors that contribute to the differences in stress-related illnesses between the U.S. and Japan. However, the very fabric of our culture, and especially our work culture, could learn a lot from the Japanese — a little more equanimity and gaman wouldn’t hurt.

Married to PowerPoint

Sat, 07 May 2011 23:00:00 -0500

Cate Blanchett, portraying Queen Elizabeth I in the 1998 filmElizabeth, held out her hand to display her royal ring and exclaimed to her close advisor Lord Burghley, “Look Lord Burghley, I am married to England!” When it comes to making presentations, we spend so much time over the glow of our computers creating slides that we might as well be married to PowerPoint.

Typically a presenter will spend an average of two minutes of time per PowerPoint slide. I often quote this rule of thumb to course developers when they send me a 157-slide presentation designed to be delivered in 90 minutes. When I send the presentation back telling the developer to cut their slides in half, I’m usually met with a response like, “oh, I’m only going to spend a few seconds on most of those slides.”

So I decided to conduct an experiment.

When I was still an internal consultant, one of our executives delivered a new course on the basic business development process. He delivered this course to our offices in two different ways—one way by webcast and another by live presentation. Both presentations utilized PowerPoint. I timed the executive as he delivered both presentations.

Results

Via webcast — average time spent per slide = 73 seconds

Live seminar — average time spent per slide = 85 seconds

Note that the webcast delivery method had no audience participation until the presentation was finished and the executive opened it up for questions. Otherwise, there was no planned audience interaction designed for the training. And, I believe it is safe to say that there was no surprise in that the live seminar clocked longer per slide due to the live, open access the presenter had to the audience.

While these findings show an average of less than 2 minutes per slide, based on the density of slides I typically review for both client training and technical training, I believe the 2 minute rule is pretty accurate. It especially holds true since effectivetraining always has built in methods for audience interaction.

Of watermelons and teamwork

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 23:00:00 -0500

Last week I was listening to CNN and the news anchor Christine Romans was interviewing a couple of career planning experts on job interview skills. Ms. Romans was commenting on people who tell interviewers that they are a team player. The experts giggled and went on to say that telling someone you are a team player is like saying that you breathe air, you need to give some examples or tell a story about how you have been a team player.

Ok, so here’s a story.

My first memory of being a team player was when I was 9 years old. Every 4th of July our family spent the day at the Lubbock Country Club (for those of you who don’t know, Lubbock is a small town located in the panhandle of Texas and is famous for Buddy Holly and Randy Neugebauer, the Republican congressman who yelled “baby killer” at Rep. Bart Stupak during the health care debate on the floor of Congress). On this usually hot summer day, Dad played golf, mother played tennis, and us kids spent the day at the swimming pool. At the pool there were swim races and games of all kinds. By this time in the summer my skin was tanned dark brown and my hair was a shiny, chlorine blonde.

At the end of the day, the finale was a contest to fish a Vaseline smeared watermelon out of the pool. The lifeguards would grease a half dozen watermelons and toss them into the pool. The whistle would blow and everyone standing on the side of the pool would jump in and fight to bring a watermelon out of the pool.

I was certain that I could score a nice, plump watermelon for my family because I had a secret weapon. And that weapon was my older brother, Evan. Since I am close to blind without my glasses, Evan would stand me on the side of the pool and point to the green, oblong blob bobbing in the water he had selected as our target. My job was to swim to the blob and wrap my arms around it and make my way to the side of the pool while my brother fearlessly and shamelessly beat off all the other kids. I had the easy part!

The lifeguard blew the whistle and in we jumped. I could hear my brother yelling at me “Go Leigh! Go Leigh!” My arms would find the greasy blob and I would hold on as a hurricane of splashing and flailing arms, yelling and slapping and spitting formed around me. I couldn’t see much, but I trusted that my brother was doing his part mercilessly beating off the other kids.

Thus became the imprint of being a team player for my life. Never the one out in front, but always the quiet supporter in the eye of the storm.

The Mystery of Grace

Tue, 15 Mar 2011 23:00:00 -0500

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” —Anne Lamott

I have thought a lot about grace lately, especially since we haven’t seen much of it in our state or national discourse on things like funding for education in the past week. The conversation has been so hateful that it has left me with a feeling of icky-ness.

So how do we exhibit grace on a daily basis in our conversation with others? I could go on and on about how it takes good listening skills, the ability to be “present” with another, or the merits of Buberian dialogue. However, I keep coming back to one simple thing that a dear friend of mine always talks about – the ability to hold another in warm regard – regardless of how much you disagree with them, or how much they irritate you, or even how ridiculous their idea may sound at the moment. If we take a posture of warm regard, can we “hear” the other person in a different light? Or are we locked down in the script that we have already written in our heads?

Occasionally I practice. I practice by being intentional about my listening to someone I have a hard time listening to. My mother is a good example. I went to visit her this last weekend. She has Alzheimer’s disease and speech problems as a result of a stroke. She struggles to string her thoughts together. When I am in conversation with her, I hold her in warm regard and always feel that the mystery of grace finds us somehow.

Crawling up the rabbit hole

Thu, 10 Mar 2011 23:00:00 -0600

I love the book “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.” I’ve loved the book ever since I was a child and I have no lack of Alice mementos scattered about my home and office. And as I think about the events in my life over the last three months, I feel a bit like Alice falling down that rabbit hole into the unknown.

kerplunk!

Life has felt a little dream-like since the loss of my beloved father and the elimination of my job at my firm happening all within one month. Indeed, it has taken me awhile to catch my breath after two major whammies. Grief is a strange thing.

It’s unpredictable.

It’s terribly disorienting.

And it’s debilitating at times.

I have been hesitant to write about my grief and even more hesitant to talk about it. However, I have found that there is a sense of wonder that resides down in the depths of despair. I find my curiosity running full blast as I explore these feelings on a day-to-day basis. Wow! That was weird. I just walked into the grocery store and started weeping! Or, That bug crawling across the floor is having a really good time. Instead of everything looking dull, everything looks and feels intense.

All of us experience difficult times in our lives. Many people have struggled through the economic difficulties of the past few years. With necessity the mother of invention, we always find ways to crawl back up the rabbit hole after a period of despair and disorientation.

And there are ways to make the climb a little easier..

It usually takes an adjustment of our expectations, coupled with some ability to be compassionate with ourselves. I have found that setting small, manageable goals helps me keep some forward progress. I’m a firm believer that people need to experience movement to feel healthy and successful. The degree of movement is what we become impatient with most often. Why haven’t I gotten over this by now?

Being compassionate with ourselves means allowing ourselves the freedom to feel the intense emotions that are coursing through our bodies. It may be anger, it may be sadness, or it just may be numbness. Our society leaves no room for grieving the endings in life—whether that be the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the ending of a relationship. We are expected to soldier on. I’ve learned to take the time I need to feel.

And these are the keys to crawling up the rabbit hole.

The Myth of Multitasking

Wed, 02 Mar 2011 23:00:00 -0600

As I look around my desk I see numerous tasks waiting for my attention—and that doesn’t count the requests and demands currently sitting in my email inbox. What I have learned about myself over the years is that I can only do one thing at a time. Interestingly, research over the last decade now suggests that our national pastime of multitasking as a means of being more efficient is really a myth. David Meyer, PhD, and other researchers from the University of Michigan have found that nobody can effectively do more than one remotely complicated thing at a time. The brain just isn’t wired that way. For example, the brain only has one language channel. If a person tries to read while talking, one or both tasks will get short shrift.

After reviewing numerous articles on this topic in an effort to understand my multitasking deficiency, I stumbled upon a very interesting finding – the research finding that the average worker needs a staggering 25 minutes to return to their original task after an interruption was over. 25 minutes! No wonder I hear so many of us talk about how they get so much done when they work at home, or come into the office an hour early, or find themselves majorly productive during those quiet afternoons just prior to a holiday.

So the paradox is that in order to be productive, you have to find ways to minimize your multitasking. That means establishing some boundaries around the flood of incoming email, text messages, phone calls, etc. Not only will this help in getting things moved out of your inbox, but it will also help you decrease your stress which, in turn, will make us all happier and healthier human beings.

Leigh

How parents influence careers

Wed, 16 Feb 2011 23:00:00 -0600

One Sunday last spring I read a touching article in the Austin American Statesman about how a man’s father influenced his career decisions. The article was written by a journalist and described the values of his farmer father. While the author did not follow his father into the farming business, he did follow the values his father exhibited when farming times were tough due to drought, etc.

This got me thinking about my own father and his father, my grandfather. My grandfather ran a feed mill in Burleson, Texas and traded a few head of cattle from time to time at the Ft Worth stockyards. My father decided early on that he did not want that kind of a life, so he put all his energy into his education eventually becoming a university physics professor. My grandfather was a kind man who was willing to help all sorts of people. My father, though stubborn, was a very kind man and received many awards for his teaching throughout his career.

Growing up, my siblings and I were all good students. We all went to college, not because we were told to, but because we thought that going to college was just the next step in your education. We did not realize that people didn’t go to college. My father never pushed us in school; he just quietly modeled his value of learning. Being a scientist he was curious about the world and shared that curiosity with us.

I really did not set out to become a learning professional and coach when I left college, but I believe it is no accident that the career anchor that has threaded itself throughout my varied positions in the work world has all been about furthering my love of learning. Just like my father.

Leigh